the-oval-office

Bedok Run

2006-02-03T05:53:00.000-08:00

Stayed in camp yesterday night. This explains the lack of entry as I stayed up late in the coldness of the office ploughing through the keyboard while eyes glued to the monitor. Just a few meters away, in his own office, Boss was mimicking me. Time check was 2030 hrs on a Thursday night. Decided to take a break and stepped foot onto the corridor and into a cool night. There was no one left in camp. No cars in the parking slots. Less a lone silver car neatly parked in its designated spot. Boss’. The hallmark of Head Training of ITI. Late and lonely nights and I alongside him. Took a puff and enjoyed the breeze. On Monday is Commander Conference and I feel obliged to assist my Boss in preparing the Training updates portion of the conference. The last two was a disaster for him and I feel the anguish too. I can play a role to remedy this and so here I was in camp on a Thursday night. Finally finished the presentation and we logged off at 2140 hours. Boss took his leave and me to bunk. There is IPPT tomorrow for 1WO Roy Murthi and I am the coordinating body for this event.

Awake by 0630 hours and went about alone to set up the IPPT equipments. This is no simple feat alone and the Standing Broad Jump Mat should be carried by a crane. I practically rolled it to its spot. Prepared the drinks and the other stations too and by 0715 hrs all are in position. Well by the end of the IPPT, 1WO Roy did outstandingly well for his age and me I maintained my fitness. Gold.

Work began with breakfast and another training visit to the Pentagon. Finally got the chance to chat with the actual LTA Mark Sim. Was chatting to his bike and a sleeping officer the night before. Only God knows how much time I was having a one-sided conversation. At the Pentagon, it was just one launch each. Nothing more. Nothing left. Soon after, went into transition for a Detailed Program Discussion. Seen a major screw up where it made Boss rather pissed. Must never repeat this hiccup. Better remedy the error. And kick some asses. It looks bad on the Branch and I will kill if this repeats. Following that I hurtled through time with Pre ICT Brief. Another moment where I represent Boss and make decisions for him. Dy Comd keeps consulting me in training matters. Makes me want to keep abreast in knowing all this stuff at my fingertips.

Work in camp ended with the handing of the Workplan, the File and the Diskette to 1WO Roy to be handed over to Boss in TRADOC. He is having an ATEC Briefing there. He will surely miss the Run. The Institute is having a run in Bedok Reservoir and to my dismay it is truly a faraway place. All the way there to run can be a bit unrealistic. But it is sure to be fun.

Rode there on LTA Mark Sim’s Phantom. Feel very guilty on this issue. Firstly, because of my work, by the time I reached his bike, it was already a guarantee that we will be late for the run. Secondly, there was no space for my huge bag. He too have a huge bag. So I decided to transport my bag to a kind CPT Neo’s car. LTA Mark recommended instead that I take the car. Feeling that it would be improper to jump ship when I made him wait for so long, I insisted to ride the bike minus my bag. The journey there was very uncomfortable but I will never sound off this. Do not want to anger an already pissed LTA Mark Sim. So I remained quiet the whole journey, with cramp legs and hands. Realized that I am troubling LTA Mark and making him rush. It is dangerous to rush on a bike. Its all my fault. Should just follow the earlier arrangement of having Boss fetch me. From now on, taking the Phantom is the last resort for any time and event. Best for him. Best for me.

At Bedok Reservoir Park, alongside numerous JC students and under the blazing sun, had a good 4.4 km run. And I felt the tiredness of having a late night and an early IPPT. But then, can means can and cannot means cannot. The event closes with dinner at Bedok Interchange with the General Staff. Then followed by a tremendously long journey home on Bus 66. Bedok to Bukit Batok. Long way.

Wonder where LTA Mark Sim went? Hey Sir I am sorry for rushing you.

Better train harder.

Run more.

PS. Its my Boss birthday today and his son too. Happy Birthday Sir.

Borrowed Oranges

2006-02-01T05:22:00.000-08:00

Wednesday morning kicked off very well. Though I missed the routine, the first bus, it was not disheartening as in was in the cause of a packet of Menthol Lights. This singular pack of 20 benefits not one person, but two. Especially the other. So it makes the moment kind of a Master Card morning - priceless. On the way to camp, I witnessed one of the most beautiful sights my eyes had seen in a long time. A great sunrise. The sun majestically shone through the morning sky and its rays remind me of the Imperial Japanese Flag. It has been truly a long time since I witnessed a sunrise, in the comfort of a bus. No rush and just feeling the majesty.

Work began and completed today with the raising of indents for ammunition for BCTC and the incoming ICTs. And its late. Pray for it to be alright. Managed to get my Boss’ signatures and off I go to the fax to send it over to the ABSAF or Ammuntion Base of the SAF. Alas there was a shortage of fax cover pages and without Shahril, I went over to Log/ Admin Branch to do the photocopying. Laid my inquisitive fingers on their new photocopier. It was fully digitized implanted with the capabilities of 10 pin password. A much better security control to any breaches or to anyone who even attempt to breach it. For friends of the Branch, I am sure things are negotiable. Those who achieved Favored Person Status, its automatic. Privileged knowledge. I am counting the days when my branch finally have a new and exquisite photocopier.

Spent most of the time on Level 2, chatting to my superiors and colleagues. Hearing their laments, opinions, attempts at twanging, complaints and gossips keeps me abreast to matters which engulfed the Level 2. Nowadays my training visits include that level and its intensity is increasing. I won’t feel guilty in spending more time outside my office as this is in the name of being in tune with those on the ground.

Made a visit to the Pentagon today. Reviewing battle plans, force dispositions and terrain evaluations. Sitting by the staircase, deep in discussion for force maneuvers, armed with cigarettes. Sitting with the future the incoming Deputy Head Training always gives new insights and revelations. Will I ever marry a non-virgin is one of the topics covered. I replied with a firm yes. Reason being simply my love for her which culminates to the marriage start at the point when I fall in love with her to the point I am right now. Whatever happens before this, I have no right to interfere. Only when it happens during these points, I have jurisdiction. I am trying to say that if I my wife to be is not a virgin and it happens in the past, I will live and let live. It is her life and her right to do whatever she wanted to do. However now as she is in a relationship together, we are committed to one another with all the ideals of love. Another principle I have is never to impose my principles and belief system upon others. I will share those and if others agree and follow, good. I will not discredit those who share other principles nor judge them with my principles. In short, the opposite is the eternal cause for war.

Effectively after the Pentagon visit, it was time to wrap up what could become one of the shortest days in ITI. Sought permission to have a half day, first time ever to even ask for off, but refused. Reason being that HQ was officially on half day. My first attempt at getting a first ever off is muddled. Rode out of camp in style behind LTA Mark Sim.

Destination was Glendale Park. The humble lodge of Commander ITI. Just behind MINDEF. Coincidence it seems. Those of power usually crowds near nodes of power. Same everywhere.

We arrived kind of early. However made one of the most tragic error on a Chinese new Year function. We forgot oranges. Of all things, those. LTA Mark Sim attempted to contact an ally to support us in this shortcoming but my good sense prevailed and requested help from the very sentry at the gate. 4 oranges were immediately presented to us. What a relief. By the way, I have to mention that when he asked where we were going, we answered our destination was a function. He asked “Colonel?”. We nodded. That rank even carries weight in this condominium. Impressive. Most impressive.

Awkwardly we were one of the very firsts to arrive. After the usual greetings and handing over of those special oranges, we sat with Mr Heng and chatted. It was rather uncomfortable but it must be mentioned that LTA Mark Sim earned several notches in his approval ratings then. In full view by Commander ITI, he was even regarded as an Ops Trainer! After all the line was mentioned by an LTC. But more importantly, Commander ITI knows LTA Mark’s name easily. As his campaign manager, I was extremely happy in the successful showcasing. The path to Savers is all about showcasing. LTA Mark hates this as much as he regarded this function as something if he could avoid, he will without doubt. This view is unanimously shared by LTA Tan Xin Min, one of the three of us. However LTA Tan tend to be more pessimistic in some views. But he is a great chap and a good Officer. Great to talk to.

The rest of the function was food, drinks, gambling, special ladies at the pool, chit chatting and even gambling. Hearing gossips and opinions. I can conclude that gambling becomes central in this function, like any other Chinese functions.

A concluding point concerns terrain study and preliminary planning. After several hiccups, the MI Company actually succeeded in putting forth an objective which is ’fightable’. Not too huge and without any forces sitting on it. What’s more special is that this objective has seen attempts of assault by even the MI Company. Special isn’t it. CO have given the green light to recce further and the planning group is doing a terrain study on it. Finally, the men are eager to fight. And we will fight hard. MI company must not fail us.

This conclude the day with a ride back home on a Phantom. Maybe I should invite LTA Mark up to my house one day for something. Going to read the State of Union soon.

Oh yes, I almost forgot. We returned the oranges we borrowed form the sentry.

Tomorrow will be another day.

Soccer…..

The State of The Union

2006-01-31T05:51:00.000-08:00

Around this period Washington DC and the rest of the world are abuzz in preparation for the State of the Union Address. This highly publicized and obviously highly political event constitute the address made by the President of the United States to a joint session of Congress, which composed of the Senate and the House of Representatives. To those who are new to the politics and the US system of Government, this is when the President addresses to all the branches of the US Government outlining his achievements and proposing his goals. Thus I am serious when not only America but the world will pay close attention to what is said. To those who do not bother, life is as usual. However the spirit of outlining one’s goals and ways to achieve it remain a cornerstone of the human spirit.

For me, I too intend to give my State of the Union, though without the glitter and thunderous applause usually accompanying each line the President utter. Thankfully, my speech will spare me from the all of the politics.

This February I have the intentions to fulfill some foundation building in my job. The key objective which to put in very simple terms, is to make my job far easier and to make life easier for others. So this foundation can be found in several goals which I will achieve.

The first goal is my Ammunition Management System or AMS. The Paper has been approved by my Boss and now is part of the Standard Operating Procedure of the Institute. However words on paper must be transformed into execution. I must begin to implement what I propose. Also along this line, I want to do a exhaustive review of how we cater ammunition for training. Backed by historical analysis of past records, I want to realign how much ammunition we indent for ICTs. At least I attempt to save some taxpayers’ money. This AMS without doubt will be a huge task and add in the ammunition review, this is a recipe for a great challenge. Just what I relish.

The second goal is to reconstruct how we fabricate training program. Honestly, I strongly feel that the personnel who designed training programs are not in touch with those who actually executed it. Those who executed it are not that helpful in giving feedback on how things are really on the ground. I am proposing to empower the trainers on the ground to have much greater say in how the training programs are culminated. By capitalizing on Subject Matter Experts, I will facilitate trainers in formulating Blocks of training programs where their sub-units are concerned. With many Bricks, my job is to select which Bricks fit the Commander’s intent and put together the desired Training Program. Its just like putting together LEGO Bricks to get a model. This customization of training programs not fulfils the many types of desires but also allows me to be in a very close loop with people on the ground. The result is an effective training program and creating capacity for close communications. Sounds good? Hell yes. However this is more work for me. But the result will be a lighter and easier workload. Good deal.

The third goal is almost done. Work plan. It is refreshing and proud for me to see my completed handiwork being hailed as good by my superiors. This new structure allows me to see more opportunities for the Institute to do more activities or have more block leave. It was impossible with the old model. Honestly after working on the old model for 6 months, the new one seems like salvation. Another victory for innovation against conservatism. Now I need to see other opportunities to make my new work plan play a more central role.

The fourth goal is to straighten the mess where IPPT and ATP are concerned. The management of regulars for these two activities are sound, so much so they are well reminded on their duties and opportunities. However the sound system was not applicable to our NSFs. I say this is truly unfair when many of the NSFs failed to fulfill their requirements as they was not a sound system to remind them like the regulars. All the more when there are monetary awards involved. I do not want to short changed them and I am resolute to bring about a better management system for our NSFs. They do as much as the regulars and in some facets, more. Much more.

As I continue to contribute in Training Branch, there comes a realization that I personally need a system to ensure the minimization of errors. This comes at the recent norms where my bosses affixed their signatures to my documents in an instant. I usually recommend to them to read so that any mistakes could be verified but they just give the trusting look and smiled. This can be a problem. My bosses are becoming very trusting. I must not make mistakes though its human. The only way is to impose a bureaucratic system on myself to reduce the margin of error.

Another interesting development is that I feel that I have earned the ear of my Boss. He actually listens to my recommendations and proposals, however gregarious it is. Beyond that, he also consults me on matters beyond my position and allows me to make decisions on his behalf. So much so, nowadays I am sitting in for him during meetings. Not as a stand in but of a person of full speaking and decision making rights. I feel he regards me more than what I am. Potential building I think. Well, I feel very honored by this and it does motivates me. Besides I find his innovative demeanor alongside a very caliber thought process very akin to mine. I am very glad he is my Boss. Will work hard to ensure he goes home early to spend time with his family.

The lines above summarizes the goals which I will achieve. Hard work it will be. Challenges no doubt. Comparing to the actual State of the Union, my goals are microscopic in magnitude. However I do have my own State of the Union and I will see it to fruitition.

Thank you and God bless.

PS… Presidents always end this way.

Under the Stars

2006-01-29T22:46:00.000-08:00

First on the agenda is to wish all my Chinese friends a very happy and prosperous Chinese New Year, Gong Xi Fa Cai Wan Shi Ru Yi…hope I got it right. Better find out what it actually means. This Chinese New Year effectively is a very long break and I intend to make the most of it. One intent is to restart my stumbled start in getting a driver’s license. Will be re-indent my Evaluation. Now at the age of 24, I am still approaching Basic theory. Well it’s a start isn’t it.

Every entry I make have a CG or center of gravity. This time however the CG will be rather unique and I have never really put much focus in this part of my life. The spark ignited when LTA Mark Sim mentioned that Valentine’s Day is around the corner. Apart from bearing significance for the date I get my pink IC, though that’s still a year to go, Valentine’s Day carries no other special meaning. It is basically one non-special, non-significant and non-momentous day. So I wonder when will Valentine’s Day will ever be special for me. For those who might think that the CG is Valentine’s Day, well you missed the point. It actually concerns the key which will make this day special. Having a girlfriend. This is not about an all out mission or crusade to find a girlfriend but more of what I look out for in that special someone.

I am not that kind who is poetic, hopelessly romantic or having special talent to whisper sweet nothings into ears. Also I do not have the discipline to visit far flung places like NTU every night and trade my bed for the floor just to spend the night with her. But I would really love to be able to do those. It feels somewhat complete to have do something irrational just to be part of being in love. I can comment on people’s stupidity on doing things in the name of love but as I step back, I realize that I will no doubt do the same. Even sleeping on Lim Chu Kang Hill every night will seem perfect if its for her.

So what exactly do I look for? Just someone who is intelligent and enigmatic. Witty and can enthrall me with debates on any issues. A steel sense of determination and ambition. Sharp mind and sweet voice. Great hair. Yes great hair. A great smile which will melt my hardest moments. Beautiful eyes that I cannot take mine off. In summary, she is just someone who can lend a listening ear after a long day or difficult patch. One who cares for whatever I do. One who pushes me to do my best in her eyes. One who I just can buy a simple rose. Someone who gives me great advice and who raps me when I err. She is whom I will share my greatest dreams, my deepest secrets, under the stars or beneath the clouds. I know these sound weird, but just what I am looking for in the special her.

It will feel good if finally one day Valentine’s Day is one I can look forward to. It does get lonely sometimes and work, however hard you indulge in, does not fulfill.

Perhaps its time….

A Year On

2006-01-21T19:52:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow marks the one year anniversary of the commissioning for the Officers of the 5504 Officer Cadet Course. I congratulate these Officers to whom I have my greatest respect and regards. I hope they continue to serve the nation.

As for me, tomorrow marks a year of rebuilding and learning my mistakes. I come to the realization that whatever has happened is meant to be and must taken in stride. I am proud to say that for the things I have lost, I have gained much more. These things I must thank God for making it happen. Great friends, second chance in doing what I have come to love and above all still wearing this uniform. The past year have been one learning journey. I mentioned before that life is a journey, not a destination and this has been true to the word. I am able to hold my head high, look at the past and learn and make the best of the present and future. Continuing to do what I do best, I am living my life fully. I have concluded that the past no longer shackled me, the future has given me freedom. I am finally free to forge my future.

Yesterday, I made communication with my Buddy. Have not done that for almost a year. Just wished to say hello and congratulate him for a year of officer ship. The result was kind of expected. A pretty harsh reply. I have never been bitter on the loss of friendships as its all my fault but maybe this has brought on new meaning. I now conclude that he is just a Buddy in OCS, when we do all kind of things together. Suffer, sweat and cry together is the norm. But this is all. I respect him as he is an Officer, commissioned by the President. Nothing more. I do not respect the person. When I see him, I will just salute the rank, never the person. To me he doesn’t deserve that respect. Maybe people might think that I am finally becoming bitter but I assure all that this is not the case. But after all we have been through, if now is the state we are in, it simply eradicates the past. It made whatever we have been through meaningless. If he doesn’t regard it as meaningful, why should I. So LTA Lee Zhichao, I will do my part to help in the thing I still owe you, nothing beyond that. Take care Sir.

Work has been one abject which indulge in. I love what I am doing. Its truly satisfying. Do faced some hiccups but all merely challenges which I relish. What’s life without challenges? But the underlying feeling is that I am doing too much for my own comfort. I am becoming more entrenched in the Dream. Quite dangerous if the Dream do not materialize. Well I have summarized that the Dream, its just a dream. Just do what I love doing and when it ends, it ends. So I am deciding to stop dreaming.

Met up with 2LT Justin Leow. Very glad to have a few rounds of drinks. Remembered the day when he was still a Cadet of the 5905, still young and enthusiastic of everything he do, but panicking at all the changes and rapid expectations. A typical cadet. However, over time he exuded a certain level of maturity which earns my regard. Now he is an Intelligence Officer. Sir I am very proud that you call me to meet up. Happy that you regard me as a great friend and as someone who brought about great meaning in your days in OCS. However please stop regarding me as an Officer. I am not. I am a specialist. I am proud to have your friendship and it will stay that way. Just remember what I told you.

LTA Mark Sim finally got his bike. I am sure he is high in jubilation. Saw him putting all the efforts in this single endeavor. I have high regards for him and I see a lot of myself in him. So much so, I wish to gear him to what will I do if I became an Officer. I wanted him to walk my path. I realized that this is wrong and being unfair to him. Let him walk his own path. He is the Officer and I am not. He can make his own decisions and decide what is best for him. He is the one who wears the rank, not me. So I shall stop seeing too much of myself in him. It’s the best for him. I hope he do not misunderstand this. Honestly, I merely want to stop dreaming. And I apologize for this.

Next week will be another long week. And I love it.

Its all looking good.

Wet Sunday

2006-01-08T04:56:00.000-08:00

Today is one wet day. It pours, not rain, but pours more of elephants and rhinos rather than cats and dogs. That essentially confines me indoors to weather the storm, the wetness and the cold. Unfortunately that is for those who are weak. I indulged in running. Similar to yesterday, I clocked mileage with a distance of 10 kilometers. Running in the downpour. The feeling of rain dropping on your sweaty body is great. And no on will scold me for doing things which I love. Running has always been enjoyable. Clearing the mind and tar congested lungs.

Back home with a mug of hot coffee, I attempted to change the skin of my blog. Guessed that without proper training and knowledge, I will bring about destruction to whatever is good. Very true. Nearly ruined my blog but good sense prevailed when I retained the back up copy. Learnt never to alter anything technological without prior knowledge. You might inevitably bring about a nuclear war. Better to just continue making entries and wait for some genius to assist and you know who I refer to.

Come next week, work will ascend in tempo. Maybe I should take a day of leave. Been working through the lull period, a well deserved rest should be coming. Perhaps but knowing myself fully well, I will never get there. Intend to plan another outing for the General Staff. This time I get G5 to plan.

Well then this wraps up the New Year mood and begin the drudgery of work in full force.

A New Hope

2006-01-07T09:12:00.000-08:00

A New Dawn

A new home. Since I entered ITI on 18th of May 2005, my heart have grown fonder of the new place. Of the new surroundings. I will never forget what Wing Commander instructed me to when I step foot into ITI. “ To die a quiet death as you exit the Army” was the instructions. To others the words may seem heartless and cold, but truly it was from a man who cares a lot and wants to ensure a happy exit for me. Quiet and without hassle. He was the one who sent me to ITI in the first place, to place me in one location without attention and glare. Perfect death it would seem. However it wasn’t the place I would just die.

Not in me to just follow through life living quietly. In Foxtrot, my character is truly enshrined in the Wing’s motto, ’ to make the difference’. Though I am an OOC, never commissioned, I am a true blue Foxtrotian. I still carry the responsibility of the Foxtrot pride and spirit. Wherever I go I will still make the difference in everything I do. I will not die quietly. Never in a million years. And I intend to live my life in ITI to the fullest. With the maximum effort.

I became the Ammunition Specialist. Maybe its nothing great but I still want to do my best. I felt that I succeed in improving the system where ammunition is concerned and my next step is developing ammunition requirements for training. Apart from my primary responsibility, I too have a hand in other facets of the Institute and to date its growing. I also wish to bring about changes, maybe minor, just to improve the Institute so that it can bring about a positive NS experience to those around me. All of this is no doubt tiring and takes a lot of my time. It is truly satisfying. There are those who constantly remind me that I am an NSF now. There is no point investing so much time in working. I can debate on this issues for days but let me put this clear on how I feel. I do not care whether I am a regular or NSF, as long I can make the difference I will still give my heart and soul to the organization. Just to make the difference. But upon further insight, it is not the work I do which makes ITI truly a home. It’s the friendships.

The friendships I am given the chance to build has been one of the greatest satisfaction for me. The work, the recognition or the successes pale in comparison in the bonds with friends. With this crowd of friends, my life in ITI has been one worth living for. The wrongs I did before which see the destruction of many friendships, I swore never to repeat. Friendship is all about honesty and trust. Plain and simple. It’s the friendship which makes ITI a great home to be in.

"And Crispin Crispian shall ne'er go by from this day until the ending of the world but we in it shall be remembered. We few, we happy few, we band of brothers. For he today who sheds his blood with me shall be my brother. Be he ne'er so vile, this day shall gentle his condition, and gentlemen in England now abed shall think themselves acursed they were not here, and hold their manhoods cheap whilst any speaks, that fought with us upon St. Crispin's day!"

Wee Shi Wei, Billy, Veera, Twang, Loke, Sheikh have always been there for me. My brothers in arms. We band of brothers. And I will never fail to help them in any way possible. Always joking, smoking, lunch, staying in, running together, stressing together, smoking again and listening to complaints. These bunch of 3SGs are great lot to be with. Well they became my General Staff…. All the Gs….. This simply indicates the close bonds we have and share. Guys, it is great to have you as friends.

2LT Azhar and 2LT Yihao are from the past. From OCS. I have always been thankful that I was given the chance to rebuild damaged friendships with them again. Azhar has always been a great company to be with. Yihao, though from Delta, thinks like a Foxtrotian and our friendship is great to have. Thanks Sirs.

Weiqiang, Hanting, Shengyuan, Alvin Tan, Darwin, Syah, Haris, Kenny, Nicholas, Samuel, Rahmat, Sufiyan, Rashid, Wang Xiang, Darryl, Daune, Jayson. Ghim and Michael, former Scouts also great goons. These guys are great to be with. Staffing Training Branch and Log/ Admin Branch, these are the heroes which bring color to HQ. Too much colors sometimes. Life becomes more interesting seeing these people in all their antics.

Alvin Foo and Me

Special mention goes to the Specialists. Alvin Foo and Ken have finally gone through the rigorous CCC. Alvin was one of the first few I worked with and had one of the most enjoyable relationship with. One of our feats was to win the “Who wants to be a millionaire” easily. This was when we had nothing better to do. Ken lived in the SIL. Rarely see him outside his technologically superior abode. But he is a great friend. Go build some SILs outside Brother. Guys remember your time in ITI and enjoy your times. Tarmizi has always my brother in action. Running here and there, working, escaping arrows, there are too many antics which both of us orchestrated. Really having a good time working with him. He is currently serving part time National Service. Only comes to camp on Tuesdays and Thursdays. The rest is hockey. Good life right. Kenneth, the IT Specialist, was my upper study for ammunition. Now having a rather relaxed life with keyboards and I-net. A lion dancer, though he really doesn’t fit the mould. Jason Aw, knew hem all the way back in 6 SIR, never changed much. Except he has grown very round since the last I saw him. Very round. I was shocked. Always joking. Always slacking. Ridzam and Amir are the new heroes to ITI. Guys, you will enjoy the time in ITI. Work hard. Sazali, the CQ for HQ, a silent warrior. Enduring the numerous missiles targeting him, he grows thinner by the day, but still affords a smile. Great chap.

My bosses have been one great lot. Too many to put down here but I really enjoy working with them. However I have to give special mention to MAJ Sunny, the person who brought me to Training Branch. Sir thank you for the second chance in life. To COL Anson, our trips outfield have given me great insights and experiences. I will always be there to accompany you in the field. Truly, great bosses ensures great workers. And I have great bosses.

LTA Mark Sim and Me

Now I come to the center of gravity for this entry. This paragraph I will dedicate to him. This is one person which deserves special mention. The first time I saw him was when he pushed open the door to training branch and went straight to the Ops Room. I looked on wondering who on Earth was he, never seen him before. Suddenly I heard the whirring sound of the photocopying machine. What a shock. The only people who knew the password are those from the Branch. Here was one person who knew it. Security breach! Over a few days he caught my eyes again. Wearing Long 4 with unbuttoned sleeves and a totally screwed up way in tying his boots, he is truly one of the most sloppy person I have ever seen. Must be one of those ultra slackers. Then one day he came to the Branch again. This time to solve his OA intruder lock out. For the first time I saw that he was well decorated. Three badges on his chest. His huge chest. Then I asked which Wing he was from. Hotel. I asked whether he knew LTA Glenn. His buddy. What a small world and I was taken aback. From this point onwards our friendship grew. The start is indeed unique. More importantly all earlier impressions I had of him dissipated. In short he turned out to be a great officer. He is LTA Mark Sim. ATGM Trainer for Team 2. Perhaps the details of what we do together should be spared but what I would like to express is how I regard him. He is one of those whom I see as someone who makes a great leader. And he I will follow anywhere. Though crude and sometimes need to be kicked in the ass, when comes to work, this officer impresses. Sir, I regard you as my PC. I have never mentioned this to you or anyone but when I tell someone I will take the bullet for him, he has my highest respect. Only two person I have said that to. You are one. I see a lot of potential in you and I hope you will work hard to build that potential. One more thing is that its been a long time since I regard anyone is a buddy. Buddies do anything for each other is my understanding. Well I will do anything for you. So Sir, thanks for doing so much to help me fight my objectives. And honestly in you I wish to make a difference. Actually I regard your objective far more important than mine.

My life in ITI turned out differently from expected. Instead of preparing my grave I am still living life to the fullest. Still making the difference. Come 14th of Feb 2007, I will leave the organization which I have served to the best of my abilities for 5 great years. And when I look back, I hope to see that I have successfully continue to forge a path and made the greatest difference to all those around me. As I close one chapter in my life, another opens. With all the learning lessons at heart, forged in tears and blood, I move on in life moving towards a brighter tomorrow. Lets look forward to a better year ahead. It’s a new home and a new hope.

A Time for Home

2006-01-06T06:31:00.000-08:00

A Time for Everything

There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:

a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,

a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,

a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.”

Time always grabs you by the wrist and directs you where to go. There are those times when time just hurtled through while you just stood still. And there are when time stood unflinchingly still while you continuously want to rush. The prose at the top sums up the moment succinctly well. A time for reflections as a year passes by and a year which will remain ingrained in me.

The numero uno day of 2006 floated past without the usual bang. Without the fireworks either at Esplanade or at Marina. Without any binges or special dates. Just quiet moments spent at the cozy confines of my home. But within that coziness, it was unavoidable that I have to remember the past. The past year is indeed one special year. With it many deep secrets which are meant to be buried with the dead. Many questions and many more answers. It is time however to just say it out with one long sigh.

And that was the Dream

2005 began with a heart wrenching moment. One single dark moment which forever remained imprint in my memory. I believe that it is finally time to share what actually happened which honestly spilled the Boxing Day Tsunami over into my life and ruined it all. Back when I was a cadet, a cadet of Foxtrot Wing, I was a liar. Simple and cruel. Lied about my background. Lied about my grades. Lied about family. The lies continue to the point where it was written in the SOH/ SOM Curriculum Vitae. Little that I realized that the very same CV was used for my interview for the Sword of Honor. When the day came where the crime finally caught up with me, I lied to my Wing Commander about the content about the CV. Soon after things when out of my control. Way beyond my control. In less than 24 hours, the greatest dream of my life crushed to oblivion. My lies have killed me. This is the breach of the integrity which I keep telling everyone on to why I went out of course from OCS. I took one whole year to finally pen it down here. The 18th of January is the date. The end of a dream. I have disappointed many people, too many to mention. Those who depended one me, looked up to me. Respected and regarded me. My superiors, my platoon mates, my men and my friends. And above all my family. For the next million years, there will always the lingering question as to why I did all that. Here is the answer. When you look into the sun, it blurs the horizon and you never know when you crossed the line. I was too ambitious and have to pay for it. Pay dearly.

I have penned down my feelings on how I feel of the whole episode and I remain clear that this is the greatest learning lesson I can ever had. And I am glad to have learnt it now. Through the hardest means possible. Everyday I seek forgiveness from my friends whom I have deceived but most gave the cold shoulder. I understand their feelings and I harbor no grudge, no ill intentions. I deserve all this. Maybe I just have to forgive myself, thought one year on I still find it hard to do. Integrity and trust is the hardest to earn but easiest to lose. To all my friends whose friendships are allowed to rekindled again even through the most harrowing moments, I would like to say me sincerest thanks. I know I do not deserve a second chance. But thank you for giving me that most needed support to rebuild.

To 2LT Huan Hui, 2LT Justin Gan, 2LT Azhar, 2LT Yihao, 2LT Jin Yang… Sirs I am proud to still have your friendship and the bond we have I will cherished through eternity. All of you have my greatest salutes. As officers and as friends.

To my Wing Commander. LTC Ng Hee Teck Sir thank you for still believing me as your “best cadet in all life as Wing Commander and as the best officer ever produced from OCS”. You were there when I needed the most. We will always be friends. Always.

To my WSM. MWO Chandra Sir, throughout the days in Foxtrot, your continuous guidance has been a great help when I feel the most down. You are a great leader to all of us. A father. Especially to me. Though you are not an Officer, I will salute you still when I meet you. Friends forever.

To the rest, I will always seek a second chance. Yes I did wrong. But I want to make it right. I see no other way.

As I close my life in ‘The Home of The Officer Corp’, I said goodbye to the portal where I enjoyed one the greatest times of my life. Truly a chance in life where few can match. I shall never forget it. Walking out the gate one last time, I know now I can only look in to the home I will never see again.

However I found a new home. Unexpected but turned out to be a great home.

I am Back

2005-12-16T05:39:00.000-08:00

It has been a very long time since I post an entry. Not that I am missing in action or went to some god forsaken place, but honestly I was too lazy to write. The past few weeks have been a very hectic one. I was hurtling through the hours in an unbelievable speed. Many a times I was in a daze. Little time to sit back and have a breather. No time to reflect and I consider that a sin. From the wee hours of dawn to the time I hit the bed to end the day, its a rather mad rush. This is a clear result of having many urgent times with daunting deadlines.

Now, here I am sitting on the 16th of December, a few days shy of Christmas, and a few weeks away from the end of the year. However its the end of the physical year but not the end of the work year for the SAF. That's April. Its true that the SAF continue to work on its zealous speed even though the civilian population prepare to wind down for the celebratory moods. At least thats for my office for the past few weeks. Training Branch is one which do not understand the term of 'no work'.

Since I finally have a good breather now, its good to reflect on days passed. But I will not spend time on penning it down now. I must undertake a proper thought process and now is not a good time. More interested to be in bed. That singular object has always been a source of comfort.
So it s good to be back on line. And there is a lot to write about. Scanning back on past entries, I realized I have missed out on numerous experiences and memories. Better start to pen it down before it goes to some portion of the brain where it takes a laborious process and extremely long time to extract. But for now, it seems more prudent to just hit the bed.

Good night to all.

It's Not Easy To Be Me

2005-10-21T09:33:00.000-07:00

Flying High

I can’t stand to fly
I’m not that naïve
I’m just out to find
The better part of me

I’m more than a bird
I’m more than a place
More than some pretty face beside a train
It’s not easy to be me

Wish that I could cry
Fall upon my knees
Find a way to lie
About a home I’ll never see

It may sound absurd
But don’t be naive
Even heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed
But you won’t concede
Even heroes have the right to dream
It’s not easy to be me.

Up, up and away away from me
Well it’s all right
You can all sleep sound tonight
I’m not crazy or anything

I can’t stand to fly
I’m not that naïve
Men weren’t meant to ride
With clouds between their knees

I’m only a man in a silly red sheet
Digging for kryptonite on this one way street
Only a man in a funny red sheet
Looking for special things inside of me

It’s not easy to be me

A beautiful song. One which I can feel its weight in meaning. My life can be read in these lines.

Well, its not easy to be me. Harder still not to be.

Bunch of Merry Men

2005-10-02T03:53:00.000-07:00

“ Everyone hear what you say. Friends listen to what you say. Best friends listen to what you don’t say.”

This was said of COL Tay by LTC Soo on his last day as Commander Infantry Training Institute. I understand the bond they have but the quote itself is truly one I can identify with. Someone said something almost similar to me years back.

Tired and resting at the corner of the Lim Chu Kang Training Shed, we went about our AAR. Looking around the darkened training shed, the other Section Commanders went about their feedbacks and comments. Their men either dreaming or half asleep. Tired from the over extended section mission. I am sure my men will do the same.

Adjusting my field chair, I picked my bottle and drank. Just realized how thirsty I was. Looking at Bernard Heng, my Section 2IC, I smiled and gave the order that everyone were to remove their boots and go and rest. Smiles filled their tired faces as they realized that their Section Commander has ‘concluded’ the supposedly grueling AAR. Well I am the Section Commander of Section 2 Platoon 3 of Alpha Company, and it is my right to declare a rest for my tired men. I beckoned Lakhveer, my NSF understudy, and told him that now we just have to wait for the results.

The whole afternoon to dusk we went through the Section Professional Test. Some sort of competition to identify who shall emerge the best rifle section in the company. It was grueling as much as sapping our mental endurance. Bashing through vegetation, up and down knolls and fighting with all our heart. Now as the commanders are tabulating the results, I decided to stay away and have a break.

As I was removing my boots, Bernard sat beside me and offered a biscuit. I politely refused. One principle I always adhered. Never take your men’s food but give them yours. He asked why was there no AAR. It was something he could not understand knowing that I was one Commander who was very particular about AARs. I can spend hours on AARs at the anguish of my men. They are so used to long AARs that today’s deletion is considered unacceptable. I nearly laughed.

This time I can proudly say there is no need for AAR. The section has performed everything I expected of them and beyond. There is nothing else to review. I was so damned proud of them. Turning back, I saw my section huddling in a corner eating and chatting. This bunch of merry men has been with me for the past two years. It had been a wild ride and there were really many defining moments which we experienced together.

This is the bunch of merry men. John, Bernard, myself, Choong and Jun Kok. All the best bros.

Seeing they joking and chatting among themselves just gave me a sense of satisfaction. Though sapped of their energy, their still have the ability to laugh and have their own mini AAR.

“So how do you think we did?” I asked Bernard. He said of course we will emerge the best. I just laughed. Why I asked. The next few lines reaffirmed the notion as to why Bernard Heng is my pride and joy. “Section 2 is not only a group of soldiers. We are a band of brothers. A bunch of friends. Just like the movie. We listen to what you don’t say as only best friends can do that. That‘s what friends are for.” Bernard ended with his trademark grin. I have no reply. Just swelling of pride. I merely ordered him to go and rest. Before he left, I said, “ Thanks Bern.”

My Elite Group 2, Jun Kok and Eswaran. The two of them can take out an entire section.

My guys namely Lakhveer, Choong, Eswaran, Jun Kok, John and Bernard had gone through pretty rough time alongside me. There were numerous moments that bond us closer than just comrades in arms. There is nothing compared than the joy of leading this bunch of merry men.

To my Section, I express my heartfelt thanks to all you have done for me throughout my two years as Section Commander. I truly regard every moment beside all of you as an experience to be cherished forever. To Lakhveer, lead them with you heart. And they will pour their heart for you as much as they did for me. To Bernard, thanks for the bedrock support. You guys are truly the best.

Incidentally we clinched the best section award.

I will always lead my men with my heart.

Heliborne by Chinooks

2005-09-30T22:57:00.000-07:00

The sand and dust got into my eyes and hair. Crouching my body and huddling closer to Sheng Yuan and Billy. Quite a funny sight as just a few metres to the left stood Commander. He just stood there, unflinching and rooted to the ground. Perhaps that’s the result of the seniority in rank and countless years in uniform. We are standing 50 metres from Landing Site Lam Kiong and witnessing a full execution of a heliborne operation. Two Chinooks zipping in and out of the Landing Site transporting an entire battalion into the air. Honestly, it is still an impressive sight to me though I have seen it countless times. Learnt something new from Commander. The situation when a helicopter land causing the dust to fill the air is called a brown out, much to the discomfort of the troops waiting to embark. But the wind blown by the rotor is cooling to the body.

The Chinook is one massive bulwark. The pilots flying this must be proud to be able to zip around with an impressive ride. Remind me of Hong Ju, who is on pilot training. Well he is sure to fly the F15, but the Chinook can be an option. Who knows one day he will be flying me during one of my reservist stints. Great to see you then.

Throughout the whole operation, one tasking is far more special. Underslung. The wind nearly blew us off our feet and almost into the reservoir. The helicopters hovered for a full five minutes to pick up the underslung load. That hover caused the largest brownout I have ever seen. The billowing dust covered the entire Landing Site, and those who know the size of the Lam Kiong Landing site will be as bewildered as I am. The sight of a Chinook carrying a hanging load into the twilight sky is indeed a sight.

In the earlier blog, I highlighted about my timely outfield experience. One of the sights which makes outfield all worth it is just by seeing helicopters flying around in the dark. The sound can take your breath away. Its not that these helicopters have nothing better to do than just by flying around as mentioned by Sheng Yuan.

Walking with battalion in the dark brings back fresh memories when it was me walking with my full battle order, continuously halting and moving, not making a sound, communicating with my men through hand signals and sweating and smelling endlessly. However this battalion seems to love walking on track. This was never the case for me. We bash through the vegetation, thick or sparse. Tracks cause my superiors to be jumpy. We hate tracks. So personally I feel that walking on track has no challenge. Everyone can do it. But to bash and still need to navigate? That’s a different story.

This paragraph goes to my outfield buddy, Sheng Yuan. Being Commander’s signaller, he bore the burden of carrying the signal set following Commander everywhere he goes. When he tows Commander, he is a silent follower, resigned to doing to his tiring job. When its time to rest, and we sat down. He will sore under his breath, wiped his sweat and sighed, “ I hate outfields”. I laughed. Though he hates being in the field, he is doing an outstanding job. Commander must be thankful that he has such a good signaller. He goes beyond his operational duties to ensure that Commander is well taken care of. Haha. And he is lucky to have a great Commander. Above all the complaints and swearing Sheng Yuan makes when in the field, I know he will do an excellent job and who knows one day he will start to love outfield. Whence that comes, I will personally eat a tube of camouflage for him. Haha.

Billy and me at Silvy

To me outfield are moments when you are so tired and you wished that the world will stop to give you a few hours of rest. But when you see the faces of your comrades, guys like Sheng Yuan, Billy, Shi Wei, Veera, smiling and joking with each other, it all becomes a great time. Suffering and enjoying together in the rain or shine. I enjoy outfield because it gives me a chance to spend time with my ACTC comrades.

True friendship is forged in times of sweat and suffering they say. The outfield continues and I hope in the next blog I hope to write about the first ever conversation with Commander ACTC, which truly gave me new insights into his character.

Back Home

2005-09-30T22:30:00.000-07:00

After some lull, finally I am back to where I really feel I belong. The smell of the jungle rather invigorates my senses. This is what prolonged duration in an office conditioned with cool air and routinely sitting in front of the computer can do to you. I really miss those outfield days. Don't have this impression that I am a jungle freak. However I do enjoy my moments in the expanse of the jungles and of the knolls. Under a starry night, it gives you a sense of complete freedom and adventure.

The times where I had regular dosage of outfield training, I regard it as oppurtunities to challenge myself and experience the world in a much simpler term. Undoubtably, walking through the thick vegetation and climbing steep gradients are humbling experiences. Once you reach the top, you will be filled with a sense of satisfaction. The adage of whenever you go up, you must come down, is true. This can be applied to life too.

Life in the Jungles of Brunei

Brunei is one place where the experience of jungle life throughly felt. The sweat, tears and blood reminds me of being human. A reminder that life is never easy but always simple. You can complicate things and get lost. Or you can take the easy way out and never realise the challenge. So its a fine balance. The jungle really teach you many lessons where there is no parallel elsewhere. Thus I develop a deep respect for the jungles and with it certain enjoyment.

I am thankful that I am given this great oppurtunity to go outfield. Feeding mosquitoes, getting the sand in my hair from the dust blown up by the helicopters, the never ending sweat and everlasting tire. This is not a moment of absolute stupidity, but for me this is a moment to live a simple life. Live a humbling life.

Happy to be back home....... the jungle.

Outfield.

Life is a Journey

2005-09-30T22:22:00.000-07:00

Life is a Journey not a Race

There is no finishing line.... Just a destination

Lieutenant Marcus is a true friend. He gave me hope when there is none. I personally have no faith in being able to be a soldier again. I have turned away from my dreams . I know after the incident, the system will never be able to accept me in. I have set out to go far away from the army, far away from my dreams. However my heart tell me to go the exact opposite. My heart will lead me to my destination and that’s the army. I have always been in the army. His analogy of a candle is true. He will light mine as I had lighted his. I am not sure how I had lighted his but he is very sure that he wants to light mine. However circumstances makes it extremely difficult to light the candle in the first place. Then he pointed that I must try. There is nothing to lose. Even if I failed my conscience is clear. Very clear. I have brought justice to myself. Thus this is my road, though long and arduous. Well for whoever is where he is right now, he had started from somewhere. Do not be afraid. Take the beatings as we take every step. Must still look up and stand proud. Not proud of what I have done but proud of what I have been through, of what I have, and of my future. I appreciate what is given to me. Of my family. Of the friends I have left. Of my values and my principles. I will never sacrifice those again. Honestly in this period of pain and suffering I have rediscovered myself. I will face the long road like a man. Every step will bring me closer to my destination. And my heart knows where that destination lies.

It is not about the Sword of Honor. It is not about the Sword either. It is not about the rank. It is all about the experiences one go through. The sword will gather dust, the rank permanent on the shoulder until it is forgotten and not appreciated. But the memories will be very significant once you think about it. Every day spent is an experience earned. If we appreciate the simple things in life it will make us a much better person in life. Much richer person. Life does not have to be much larger or harder than it really is. Just be simple in everything we do and there will much more happiness. Contentment. Simple goals will do but do them with high standards. Pride is good but it is only a short step from arrogance and hubris. Always the downfall in anyone.

This incident brought forth many things in me. One is that I learn that friendship is one without intentions. Just friendship, pure and simple. Trust is very hard to build but very easy to lose. One wrong deed undo a million good deeds. True friends are there at the end and at the most painful period. The rest are just acquaintances. However, whatever happen never harbor anger and hatred. It will get you nowhere. Let go of envy and jealousy. Useless characteristics too. Always be honest. The truth is always the greatest challenge to be told yet the easiest to manage. Have the ability to accept the things you can change and cannot change. Also have the courage and strength to know the difference.

Don’t hide. Never isolate yourself. You don’t always have to face everything alone. Admit that you are down for awhile or that you are facing a challenge ahead. Don’t attempt to pretend that your life is all a bed of roses because you can always do with all the help and understanding you can get. Your family is possibly the first support group you can find. Meeting friends who are willing to hear your grouses and walking a long way home with company also helps and revives your spirit because that’s what friends are for. There is a brighter side of life. Look at the positive side of your situation and if you can’t think of one, ask another to show you. Learning to react positively will bring a world of difference as responding negatively perpetuates more negativity. Faith as small as a mustard seed is all that is required. Think of yourself as being in a middle of a much larger plan. If you are finding it hard to look at the bigger picture, turn to your faith and find the way. Finish what you have started. Smile always.

Be proud of who you are. Whatever weaknesses or strengths you possess, its just part of your make up. God is always fair. A weakness can be a strength. Its just human. The human value to do better and overcome weakness is beautiful in itself. Its called willpower to overcome challenges. All the weaknesses are not to be challenged. Just accept it as it is. All the strengths to be respected. Do not abuse them. Just do good with them and nothing can go wrong. Do not try to be someone else. Or envy others for their successes. Just lead your own life. Just lead your own destiny. No point referring to history to step into the footsteps of history’s greats. No point really. Just create your own history. In your own terms. Don’t use the benchmark of others to classify your success. Use your heart as your benchmark. If you are happy with it then leave it so. Don’t care about what the world thinks. Your happiness is the most important. Be content. Ambition to get success really isn’t necessary. Remember the higher you go, the harder you fall. If you follow your heart and you soar to great heights, then you have nothing to worry because you will fly forever. If you let ambition drive you, then deceit and greed sets in because the horizon gets blurred. It will too late once you crossed the line and you didn’t know or you refused to know. So don’t be ambitious. Just be who you are really.

I know I have lost many things. But the first step is to forget the things which are no more. Look to the things I still have. They are a source of great strengths. There is always hope. Remember all the hardship you have gone through. Never for once you gave up. Even in the face of the most daunting challenges, you stood firm. Remember where you got your strength from. Its not the ambition to do good. Its not the pursuit for glory. These mean nothing. It’s the drive for those around you. To bring the best for them. Remember this. So what if the future looks bleak. So what if the destination you are going is impossible. Drive on. Where there is will, there is a way. Strengthen your will and forge your way. You have always lead the way. Now lead your way. Go through all the obstacles. Every step you take brings you closer. Let your heart guide you. Let it drive you. Remember the traps and avoid them. There is no way these traps can work. These things will only destroy your dreams. You have seen and experienced it. Avoid it at all cost.

You are a soldier. What is it as a soldier that you like most is what you must reflect. If you listen to your heart and it says that soldiering is what matters most, then follow it. It is not about the rank. It is not about the glory. It is not about being top in the things you do. There will always be people far better than you. Yes you are good at what you do. Then continue. Don’t compare. If others do better, it is so because they are better. As long as you are happy then everything is fine. If you want to stay in the army in hoping that one day you will be someone powerful, then leave. You will never be one. If you want to stay because you like being a soldier, then stay. You will never be a key figure in the army. But you will always be a key figure in the lives of people around you. You can make the difference in their lives. You can give a helping hand whenever its needed. So finally you know what your heart wants you to do. Then make that difference. Remember that.

To be an Officer of the Singapore Armed Forces is an undertaking not to be taken lightly. Don’t think of what others might think of the officer ship, just focus and care of what you think. You regard the officer ship as the foremost appointment in your military career. Why do you think in that manner? Is it for elitism? For glory? For power? If you think that way, you will not go far. Your bar will never shine. If you think that the officer ship is something greater, more noble then you are right. If you want to be an Officer, first be a person of values. Even without the officer ship, a person with values is always valued. An officer without values is never respected even though he can top courses or is a scholar. So as an officer, values comes first. You know what they are. Remember them. Have values and principles in everything you do. Everything. Even the smallest and tiniest acts. It will do you good. So you know where your heart is pointing and what it is saying. Just listen to it and take the first steps. Yes the steps leading to it are impossible. Can never be achieved. However did you for once say impossible in Chillbone? In Chillhermit? When you saw Telugong and turned to look at your teammates, did you dare give up? Remember why. Then do you dare disappoint your heart. Treat it like one of your teammates. You never fail your team before. So why now? Don’t disappoint your heart again.

Have the foresight to know where you are going. Have the hindsight to know where you have been. And have the insight to know you have gone too far.

Keep to the truth, never be ashamed of doing right, decide on what you think is right, and stick to it.

Dare to dreams. Go ahead and dream beautiful dreams. Dream of standing in the Parade Square. Dream of being the Parade Commander. Dream of your epaulettes being placed on your shoulders. Dream of you throwing the peak cap. Dream good dreams. Everything is possible.

Get up and move on. Look to the future. The past is behind you. Take the first step. Be the person you want to be. Be the Officer of the Singapore Armed Forces.

Life is a journey not a race. There is no finishing line but a destination.

This was written back then. Today I am still amazed as to how much I can write. This piece of writing is one which i will treasure all my life. I really wrote it with tears. With all my heart. I know its just a dream. Well at least it is worth dreaming about. Its all memories, good and bad.

Meeting Shahul today is one event which I look forward to always. This person is whom I owed a lot to. He was simply there when I needed a hand the most. Without fail, he will remind me of my dreams and ultimately this piece of writing. To him I give my sincerest thanks. Friends forever.

Duty. Honour. Country.

2005-09-30T22:20:00.000-07:00

“You now face a new world, a world of change. The thrust into outer space of the satellite, spheres and missiles marked the beginning of another epoch in the long story of mankind - the chapter of the space age. In the five or more billions of years the scientists tell us it has taken to form the earth, in the three or more billion years of development of the human race, there has never been a greater, a more abrupt or staggering evolution.We deal now not with things of this world alone, but with the illimitable distances and as yet unfathomed mysteries of the universe. We are reaching out for a new and boundless frontier. We speak in strange terms: of harnessing the cosmic energy; of making winds and tides work for us; of creating unheard synthetic materials to supplement or even replace our old standard basics; of purifying sea water for our drink; of mining ocean floors for new fields of wealth and food; of disease preventatives to expand life into the hundred of years; of controlling the weather for a more equitable distribution of heat and cold, of rain and shine; of space ships to the moon; of the primary target in war, no longer limited to the armed forces of an enemy, but instead to include his civil populations; of ultimate conflict between a united human race and the sinister forces of some other planetary galaxy; of such dreams and fantasies as to make life the most exciting of all time.

And through all this welter of change and development your mission remains fixed, determined, inviolable. It is to win our wars. Everything else in your professional career is but corollary to this vital dedication. All other public purpose, all other public projects, all other public needs, great or small, will find others for their accomplishments; but you are the ones who are trained to fight.Yours is the profession of arms, the will to win, the sure knowledge that in war there is no substitute for victory, that if you lose, the Nation will be destroyed, that the very obsession of your public service must be Duty, Honor, Country.”

This quote has always been an integral part of my belief in what is noble and worth fighting for. There are those who always question my beliefs and my principles. Nothing actually succinctly embodies what I believe in. This is what I believe in and will always believe in. Throughout my life. For eternity.

Duty. Honor. Country.

Friendship

2005-09-30T22:17:00.000-07:00

“ He is my best friend. I am a kind who don’t have many best friends.” The President admitted as his mind revolved on his Chief of Staff, confined to the bed with a morphine drip. He collapsed earlier due to a massive heart attack. Though this is just an excerpt from the latest episode of the West Wing drama, I can identify with the anguish.

My Section 2IC, Bernard Heng. He is my pride and joy. Best of Life Lance Corporal.

I echo the President’s thoughts. I don’t have many best friends. Those I had left in a jiffy. None of their fault though. Actually, all my life I have been loyal to anyone whom I call a friend but rarely do I call anyone whom I call a best friend. I have always wanted for someone to be there when I rise to great heights, when I fall unceremoniously, giving a hand for me to stand again. For me to share my deepest feelings, my dreams, my ambitions. To gloat and bitch. To joke and laugh. And most importantly to kick me in the ass or pummel me with a baseball bat when I need it. I need this kind of person around because I will be that kind to him. I can be dogmatically loyal. And my trust is damn hard to break. No surprise that I wish to emulate the relationship the President have with his Chief of Staff. A relationship that goes beyond normalcy.

Hong Ju in Australia. He was always there. All the best in the skies.

Well maybe the person is already there. But more importantly, as I look around, I do have many friends. Those I never to smile to when I see them. I just feel very in place when jokes and laughter abound. That’s what friends are for isn’t it. There are those whom I have lost. However I do still regard them as friends but I am sure I am cast in a different light. Maybe its just one-sided.

Zhonglin and me in Lancer. All through Lancer he looked out for me. Thanks bro.

The most important thing in a friendship is trust and that is based on integrity. This is what I have learnt, through the very hard way. I sincerely apologize for my mistakes.

It is odd that I start my first entry on friends. Its because I regard this the most important thing now and forever. I finally understood that nothing else is more important. Nothing else is more worth fighting for and keeping alive.

Friends.